Friday, December 4, 2015

30 Day Writing Challenge: Struggle

Almost forgot about this one. I thought I might have posted it earlier today, but then I think I was just remembering yesterday and how I posted in the afternoon rather than the evening.
The topic for today is to write about something that you struggle with, and today, that sort of came out of the shadows and revealed itself to me.
My brother and his family have been on leave these last few weeks and have been staying with my parents and me. A full house, as you can imagine. They have three little ones, the youngest of whom is still learning to crawl. But they went back home today, starting the long drive back to someplace far. I missed them as soon as the car was out of sight. I walked into the house and it felt so vastly empty. No noise. Sippy cups on the counter. No toys strewn about the floor. I hated it. And as per habit, I retreated into my room to let the tears flow.
I come from a large family. I have two brothers and one sister. And then my sister married. I gained another brother and now I have three nieces. My other brother married, and I having graciously gained another sister also gained two more nieces and a nephew. We are many. Having my brother and his family here, there was never a dull moment. Someone was always getting into something or asking me a question or wanting to cook something or go shopping. Growing up, I was always surrounded by family. But I realized that even though I do like my space and reading and being able to do stuff independently, I struggle with loneliness.
The semester is coming to an end, so I won't be seeing my classmates for a while. Dance is done. There are no classes I can take at my local studio. My best friend is away at college in one of the Carolinas. So really the only social interaction I get is at work where I'm a cashier and at church once a week. Honestly I can't believe I only realized today that I am exceptionally lonely. And I'm not really sure what to do about it, because I'm still an introvert. I know this; I took the Briggs-Meyers test. I still hate being in crowds of people (for example, parties, like the one I have to attend on Sunday) but I really do cherish the time I have with people I love. After all, a person is not meant to spend their whole life alone.


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